


I Dedicate This To…

by Fayth_Delarosa



Series: Reylo Love [8]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben Solo you adorable bean, Ben is a doctorate student, College AU, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Graduation, HOW DID THIS TURN INTO 17k+ WORDS I'LL NEVER KNOW, Happy Ending, I could gag, I have a problem, I have no shame, I literally built a world of fluff just to get to the smut, Long-Distance Friendship, Mutual Pining, One Shot, Pining, Please give love to the lovely person that was my Beta <3, Post-Graduation, Practically Non-Existent, Rey is a graduate student, SO MUCH FLUFF, Shameless Smut, THIS IS ACTUALLY BETA READ I'M SO HAPPY, Twitter Prompt, Very minimal angst, that dissertation though, they are both adorable beans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:20:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24458854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fayth_Delarosa/pseuds/Fayth_Delarosa
Summary: She’s enraptured, reading through the abstract thoroughly before coming up to the curriculum vitae, which lists all of his school information, areas of special interest, degrees awarded, and other professional publications in which he made a contribution to.Then she reaches the acknowledgements page.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Reylo Love [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1576996
Comments: 66
Kudos: 417
Collections: Reylo Prompt Fills (@reylo_prompts)





	I Dedicate This To…

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PoetHrotsvitha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoetHrotsvitha/gifts).



> Hi! o/  
> It's been a while, but-uh- I'm alive!  
> And consumed by work :(  
> But I managed to get this done at least!
> 
> **Based on the following prompt[here from PoetHrotsvitha](https://twitter.com/hrotsvitha_g/status/1259171196807065605)**
> 
>  ** **Curious Cat Prompt: "Because spending multiple years bickering with someone and then dedicating your thesis to them out of nowhere (instead of just??? Being pleasant???) is a peak Ben Solo Modern AU move"**  
>  Also, THIS WAS BETA READ BY THE LOVELY [reylotrash711](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reylotrash711) please click the link for their AO3 and [here for their Twitter](https://twitter.com/reylotrash711) **
> 
> * * *
> 
> ****

\- **_January 26, 2020_**

“Your observation completely lacks foresight. How did you get into the program again?”

Rey is sipping her cup of tea, orange spice today, and arching her eyebrow at the man sitting across from her. Taking a sip, she sets the cup down on the saucer and asks, “Excuse me? Maybe you should ask how _you_ got into the program first.”

Anyone else would think they’re at the beginning of what could turn into a heated argument, but the slight twitch of his lips proves that they’re in the same back and forth bicker that has been the epitome of their friendship for the past three years.

It began back when Rey Niima was a first-year grad student, fresh-faced and excited at attending her first conference with her peers. Social work wasn’t a field she had wanted to fall into initially, but it drew her in when she realized the impact she could make across many levels. It was in this conference she reinforced her love for the program and commitment to finish her Masters. It was also in this conference that she ran into an up and coming prodigy in the field of psychology, Ben Solo.

He was big and intense, something that seemed so contradictory to what one would think a psychologist would appear as; especially those who plan to be dealing directly with clients. But there was an inner warmth in him and awkwardness that endeared him to Rey and they found themselves sitting next to each other during the whole conference.

She hadn’t known that he was in a different university; she wasn’t exactly a social butterfly to know all the people in her program, much less those in the psychology program. At the end of the conference, she had expected their interactions to end there. She was used to people walking in and out of her life. So to say that she was surprised when he asked for her number, and then actually travelled out to _see_ her…

It was certainly something she hadn’t anticipated.

And that’s how they’d been for the last three years. Daily snarky texts and memes along with their check-ins with each other along with their monthly Sunday meetups for coffee.

Their usual café was fairy empty. Small dainty tables and wooden chairs filled the space. The walls lined with exposed brick while the floors were wooden planks stained a dark merlot color. It was a chic setup, designed to lure the upper middle class students or those that wanted to appear sophisticated and modern. Even the name, La Cantina, sounded weird. Far beyond what Rey would usually go for, but Ben always would bring them here. He would also insist on paying, despite Rey’s best attempts to pay her part of the orders they make.

“I’m just saying that play therapy will only go so far for kids with reactive attachment disorder.” he huffs out.

“It’s a great help though.” she easily counters back, “It helps them learn appropriate skills for interacting with peers and handling other social situations. And I never suggested using it alone,” she tuts at him, “I just said that it goes a long way and I think it’s one of the biggest protective factors.”

“For the child, but remember it’s not just the child that needs the tools. Parents too have to know how to manage their kid.”

“Yes, but teaching a parent doesn’t guarantee that they’ll put the skills to use. We can definitely focus on the parenting aspect; however the biggest focus should be the child and putting as much support in place for them to succeed.”

“I understand what you’re saying,” he begins and she can already feel the counterargument, “But teaching the child also doesn’t guarantee that they’ll actually put the skills learned to use. You forget that this also depends on when the interventions are put into place and where the child actually is at.”

She huffs out a sigh then, knowing that he has a point but a stubborn part of her refuses to concede, “I can’t believe this. _The_ Ben Solo, advocating for the parents?”

He chuckles then, “How the tables have turned.”

She smiles, looking down to her cup of tea and swirling the contents within, “I guess so,” she pauses for a moment before admitting, “Maybe a multi-theory approach is best,” she anticipates him already opening his mouth to claim victory but she continues, “ _But_ I would still argue that the child should be the priority.”

It was a small stubborn voice in her head, the one that constantly scoffed at the need of parents for anything. Maybe had she been properly watched and cared for by her foster parents, they would’ve realized that she could have fit the textbook symptoms of reactive attachment disorder.

Maybe.

She was shaken from those thoughts by Ben’s hand reaching out and covering hers, giving it a light squeeze before pulling back and offering a small smile, “I can concede that point.”

“Ha, I have bested Ben Solo. I should get an instant skip through my masters and get a doctorate just for that.”

He scoffs, taking a sip of coffee before he mutters out, “Brat.”

She smiles. He could sometimes be mildly annoying, but he was still her friend. 

Her closest friend. 

* * *

\- **_February 12, 2020_**

> **Rey at 4:25pm:** I’m sleepy 😴 😴
> 
> **Ben at 4:27pm:** Shouldn’t you be in class?
> 
> **Rey at 4:30pm:** Yes, that’s why I’m sleepy
> 
> **Ben at 4:34pm:** I’m sure your professors appreciate your dedication to  
>  academia.
> 
> **Rey at 4:37pm:** Beeeeeeeeeeeen, I need you to sympathize with me!
> 
> **Ben at 4:43pm:** Oh, sorry. Here you go.  
> 
> 
> **Rey at 4:51pm:** ….I hate you
> 
> **Ben at 4:59pm:** Sure you do.
> 
> **Rey at 5:05pm:** 😢 😢 😢 😢

* * *

\- **_February 16, 2020_**

“How dare you?”

Rey is smirking at his indignant expression, her lips hidden behind the tea cup pressed against her lips. “What?” she shrugged, “I’m an unapologetic Krya and you can’t change my mind.”

“Wait, what? No, I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about you insisting that she’s _pregnant_ at the end.”

They were back at their usual hangout doing the same routine. Rey with a cup of tea and something sweet to nibble on and Ben with his mug of coffee and toast.

Avocado Toast.

It just _screams_ Ben Solo.

“Well why not?”

They were currently in yet another lighthearted bickering exchange. This time it was about the recent Galaxy Wars movie and the ending that threw the fandom into a civil war. They were both fans of the movies, and both stood at different ends of opinions regarding the ending of the movie and of the highly shipped pair, main characters Kylo Ren and Kira.

“You’re assuming that Kylo would actually somehow _impregnate_ Kira through the Force?” he asks incredulously.

“Well, why else would he put his hand on her stomach specifically?”

“I’m sorry, did you expect him to grope her?”

“No, but he technically could have touched her head or anywhere else that’s safe, but her stomach? It’s a message!”

“Message of what exactly?”

“I don’t know,” Rey gestures vaguely with her hands, “Symbolism of fertility and new life? Shared connection through the child? A new legacy?”

His lips twitch, “You’re grasping.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.” he counters easily, taking a bite of his toast and chewing it slowly in his mouth.

“Are you telling me that Kylo would just leave Kira alone? After _everything_ she went through. After he said he knew of her loneliness? He would just leave her there?”

She sees him consider her question, swallowing down the bite of toast before replying, “Of course not.”

“Then?”

“I’m saying that he wouldn’t ever leave her alone. They’re a dyad in the force, Rey. I’m saying that they will always find each other, one way or another.”

The statement left her momentarily stunned, and she had to struggle briefly to regain her composure, “Don’t tell me that Mr. Ben Solo, brooding psychologist, is a softy at heart?” she teases lightly.

“Maybe I am.” he replies evenly, a serious undertone that causes her to look at him.

His eyes hold an intensity, some sort of hidden message within them that ensnares Rey for a second, wondering what he’s leaving out. She fidgets in her seat, a strange fluttering in her heart at the way he keeps staring at her. 

She looks down and eats another piece of the blueberry muffin in front of her, refusing her heart's demand that she look up again.

* * *

\- **_March 10,2020_**

> **Ben at 12:00pm:** I can’t believe you would name Jar Jar Binks as the best Galaxy Wars Character.
> 
> **Rey at 12:15pm:** And you wouldn’t? Clearly Jar Jar Binks is a complex character with a highly compelling personality and at a higher caliber than many of the main characters of the franchise.
> 
> **Ben at 12:21pm:** Are you high?
> 
> **Rey at 12:26pm:** No, but you must be if you don’t consider Jar Jar Binks as the best character.
> 
> **Ben at 12:30pm:** Why are we friends?
> 
> **Rey at 12:39pm:** Because you love me.
> 
> **Ben at 12:55pm:** 🙄🙄🙄
> 
> **Rey at 1:20pm:** Omg, THE BEN using EMOJIS???? 🤣🤣🤣
> 
> **Ben at 1:30pm:** Brat.

* * *

\- **_March 15, 2020_**

“How’s the dissertation going?” Rey asks after she swallows the piece of marble pound cake that was in her mouth, humming slightly at the taste of chocolate coating her tongue.

Ben has been working on his dissertation for about a year now, one of the final things he needs in order to graduate with his doctorate at the young age of 29. Genius indeed.

They hadn’t really talked about their last meetup, and Rey hadn’t really wanted to sit down and analyze his words, reasoning to herself that there was nothing behind them, that they were just referring to the movie and the characters.

Nothing more.

So they had fallen back to easy going banter and sarcasm, which was easy to do. It was safe to do. Rey thought that they had returned back to normal, but considering Ben’s expression, something wasn’t right.

“Going...” he mumbles in response, deep in thought.

It wasn’t unusual for him to sometimes be lost in thought during their lapses in silence, but he would always regain focus on her whenever she spoke. This time though, something was clearly lingering in his mind that caused a weird clench of worry to take hold of her stomach. She tries to reason that it would be a normal response towards a friend, “Everything okay?”

He gives a non-committal grunt in response, taking a sip of coffee and raking a hand through his hair in what looks like a mixture of concern and frustration.

“Ben?”

His gaze moves over to hers, slightly wide in surprise as if just realizing she was talking, “Sorry, you were saying?”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” he says, running a hand through his hair again.

“Ben.”

He sighs, “It’s not.”

Concern colors her voice now, “What’s wrong?”

“I’m supposed to meet with my parents.”

Rey pauses at that statement. He said it calmly but she could only imagine the torrent of emotions in his mind. Throughout their friendship, both of them had been able to speak to the other about their pasts and their families or, in Rey’s case, her lack of a family. She knew that his history with his parents could be described as turbulent at best, filled with arguments and disagreements with Ben’s choices as a rebellious teen and growing more frequent when he chose his field of study.

“What prompted that?” she asks, genuinely curious.

“I let slip that I was coming here to visit you and they said they would also be in the area.”

“Oh,” she pauses, “Are they coming _here_ , here?” she asks, motioning with her hands to the area they were in.

“Yeah,” he breathes out, “After you leave though.”

“Why?” it slips out before she even thinks it through.

He shrugs, looking down at his barely eating piece of avocado toast, “It’s safe here.”

Rey looks at him puzzled by that statement, but doesn’t press further and instead says, “I can stay with you, if you want.”

His eyes meet hers and his mouth is parted for a brief moment, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows and says, “You don’t have to do that.”

“Ben,” she reaches forward with her hands to wrap around one of his, “Its okay, Ben. I want to be here to support you.”

“Ben!”

Both Rey and Ben instantly glance over to see a woman fast approaching them, a man trailing along leisurely behind her. She was an elderly woman, who moved with a poise and regality that would lend one to believe that she was royalty. She was dressed in some tasteful and expensive looking clothing, an oversized beige wool coat with the belt undone and front open to reveal a crisp white dress shirt and sleek corduroy trousers with beige flats. The man behind her was more casual, wearing an open black leather jacket with a blue dress shirt underneath with the top two buttons undone and some dark blue jeans and black sneakers.

The woman stops just besides them, gaze shifting between both Ben and Rey, “Oh, I apologize. I didn’t mean to interrupt anything.”

Rey pulls her hands away quickly, her fingers twitching to go back to where they were—where did _that_ thought come from?

“Mom,” Ben greets with a slight incline of his head, “I thought I told you 4:00pm. What brings you here so early?”

“Ben, please.” his mother stands there, her arms open in invitation, “At least greet your mother properly.”

Rey watches Ben do as she says, although she sees that there’s a stiffness to his movements that he’s never had with her. His expression looks closed off and guarded, almost as if he’s already prepared for a confrontation. A voice within Rey is appalled that he would ever feel this way, and _angry_ that his parents did what they’ve done to get him to react in such a way.

“Ben, introduce us to your friend.” his mother tells him when they pull away from their hug.

“Of course,” Ben turns to Rey, “Rey these are my parents, Han and Leia,” he then turns his head slightly and gestures over to Rey, “Mom, Dad, this is my friend, Rey.”

“Rey! Such a lovely name.” Leia says with a level of warmth that is far removed than what Rey expected, almost disarming her.

Almost.

“Thank you.” she replies evenly.

Han finally approaches them and nods at Ben as a way of greeting with Ben repeating the same motion. “Hey kid.” Han says with a gruff voice towards Rey.

Rey is perplexed at the family dynamic, immediately honing in on the strange power imbalance occurring before her eyes.

Han and Leia pull seats from an empty table beside theirs and place them at their own, Han quickly taking a seat to Rey’s right and Ben’s left.

Leia remained standing, however, and raised a brow at Ben, “Come scoot over here, Ben.”

Ben nodded stiffly, standing up and taking up the seat to Rey’s left, giving her an apologetic glance, while Leia took up the seat that Ben left, right across from Rey.

Rey tries to give him a reassuring smile in response while Leia begins to speak, “So, Rey, how did you meet Ben?”

Rey glances over at Leia, “Oh, well we met three years ago at a professional conference.”

“Oh, are you also a psychologist?”

“Social worker,” Rey replies, and she sees hesitancy flash across Leia’s eyes at her clarification.

Han grunts, “So, has Ben given you a headache yet, kid?”

Rey thought she would bristle at the nickname, but Han says it in a way that doesn’t seem like a put down and instead she feels a strange but welcomed comfort around him so she answers, “Every single day.”

Han chuckles at that while Ben looks at her in affront mumbling, “Brat” in a low voice so only she can hear.

Her smile widens then and she sticks her tongue out, completely forgetting for a moment about the other two people seated at the table.

Leia clears her throat and offers Rey a warm smile, “I hope he hasn’t been too impossible,” she laughs, “I remember once when he was five h–”

“Mom!” Ben cuts in at the same time as Han says, “Leia,” in warning.

Leia pauses, glancing between the two, “What? It’s nothing bad. It’s not like I was going to tell her about the time h–”

“MOM.”

“Leia!”

“Oh alight,” Leia huffs, throwing her hands up in disbelief.

Rey is caught glancing between the three of them, the whole conversation throwing her completely off. She had never seen such a dynamic between family members, one that could go from eerily tense to lighthearted and easy going.

She sees Ben and the way he was suddenly flushed with embarrassment, raking a hand through his hair for the third time in the past hour, affording her a peek of his reddened ears. Rey finds herself mesmerized for a moment, caught seeing his flustered state and feeling a flutter in her heart.

Leia clears her throat, and Rey glances over just in time to see Leia give her a loaded look; one that throws Rey off. Now Rey is left stunned herself, her cheeks heating.

Han clears his throat, and gestures over at Ben, “So, what’ve you been up to, kiddo?”

Ben seems caught off guard again, nervousness in his gaze and Rey recognizes why. Without thought she slips a hand under the table and grabs one of his that were fisted on top of his lap. He jolts a bit at the contact and gives her a questioning glance to which she gives him a gentle squeeze in response. He seems to understand and his body eases a little, his lips twitching into his trademark almost smile while he turns his head back to look at Han and give him and Leia updates on the latest developments with his classes and preparations for the end of the semester.

Rey doesn’t let go of his hand the entire time spent in the café. 

* * *

\- **_March 19, 2020_**

Rey is sitting at the café, her leg jumping nervously while she stares ahead right at the regal older woman sitting just across from her.

During her last meetup with Ben, Leia had caught up to Rey when she excused herself towards the end to go to the bathroom. She thanked Rey and quickly pressed a piece of paper into her hands, asking that Rey call her so they can get together and talk. It left Rey confused and disoriented, the suddenness of Leia requesting such a thing, and the rest of the night she was in a daze. Ben squeezed her hand various times that night, a look of curiosity and concern on his face to which she just answered with a shake of her head and a hesitant smile. 

She hadn’t mentioned what happened to Ben, and they had parted ways shortly afterwards.Rey pocketed the paper and actively ignored it for a day, which she was proud of considering she has always had a propensity to try and go into ‘social worker mode’ as her friends call it and be a problem solver for other people. The second day, she took it out of her pocket and left it on her nightstand, considering doing what Leia asked once before again ignoring it.

On the third day, curiosity got the better of her and she called.

And now she found herself seated here, four days after her first meeting with Leia to meet with her a second time; this time though with no Ben.

Which only fed into her anxiety.

A ding from her phone called her attention to where it was on the table, picking it up and unlocking it to read the message with a smile on her face.

> **Ben at 4:49pm:** That meme you sent me earlier insulted my intelligence. I demand payback for the brain cells I lost having to look at it.

Just as soon as the smile came, it was replaced with a frown and wave of guilt. Rey didn’t tell Ben that she was going to rendezvous with Leia, unsure of what his reaction would be. But there was a curiosity that took hold of her when she first met Ben’s family, and it’s only increased as the days go by. She wanted to know, to find answers to questions that she’s had since learning of Ben’s past and his family.

It was wrong and invasive, but a part of her rationalized that maybe she could do something to help him mend that relationship with his parents; maybe it would never be at the best place, but she hopes that it would at least be better than before.

That’s what a friend would do.

Right?

“Rey.”

The sound of her name has her focusing back from her phone to Leia once more. “Sorry, I was distracted.” she says, setting her phone down and keeping her focus on Leia.

Leia has a strange glint in her eye, “I can see that.”

Rey feels like a child caught sneaking cookies from the jar before dinner and her cheeks heat in response, so she quickly clears her throat and tries to divert away from a potentially catastrophic conversation line, “So, Leia, what’s all this about?”

Leia folds her hands and places them over the table, “I wanted to know more about you.”

“I would think you’d want to know more about your son.”

She flinches at those words and a sigh escapes her mouth, “I would, if he would ever talk to me.”

“I can’t imagine why.” Rey replies, unable to hold back the bite in her tone.

Leia’s smile is self-deprecating, “I see he’s told you of all the sordid details then?”

“I can’t be sure, but I’ve heard enough.”

“Well then,” Leia grabs her cappuccino and takes a sip, setting it back down, “Let’s talk.”

“Okay then,” Rey says, stealing herself and gathering all the courage needed for the conversation to follow; beginning with, “Why were you against it?”

She knew she wouldn’t have to specify it further, by the look on Leia’s face, “I was a fool back then.” she replied.

Rey rolls her eyes, “Yes, I’m well aware of that.”

Leia scoffs, something that seemed so farfetched from what Rey anticipated that she feels her jaw drop in shock, “You’re feisty, I like that.”

“I, uh, thank you?”

“Leave it to Ben to choose someone that can kick his ass in a heartbeat.”

Rey flushed, “I am, we’re not, I mean, he’s _not…_ ”

Leia waved her off, “You don’t have to explain.”

Rey shook her head because she felt she _had_ to explain. Because Leia had it all wrong.

They were friends.

“Anyways,” the mirth in Leia’s voice disappeared and became somber, “Going back to your question, I wasn’t the best mother for Ben. Han was more involved, he was more accepting and present in Ben’s life. I was so focused on my career, and I’m not trying to excuse my actions but that was the reality about what happened.”

“Oh,” Rey said, a bit thrown off by Leia’s open honesty.

“Yes,” Leia slowly rotates the cup in the saucer plate, looking down at its contents as she continues, “When Ben started to express wanting to go into psychology I…reacted in ways that I’m not proud of now. I had always thought he would follow down my career path and it was a shock and disappointment when I found out that he didn’t want to do the same thing as me. It started as one argument, and it just escalated from there. In our last fight he and I went to yelling and he accused me of not knowing anything about him just as I called him stupid. He just…left shortly after.”

Rey is gaping at Leia, letting her words sink in. Ben had told her about their disagreements with his career choice. About how Leia openly opposed it while Han remained neutral the whole time, neither for nor against either of them. When Ben told her those things, Rey could see the wave of emotions in his eyes, scars deep and still healing. Looking at Leia now, she could also see that her scars ran deep as well.

Leia continues, “Turns out I was the stupid one, because I realized too late that all the anger and disappointment was really towards myself. I didn’t know my own son enough,” she chuckled then, the sound completely hollow, “He was right, I didn’t even know his favorite color. I didn’t know that or anything else a mother should know about their child.”

Rey felt a pang of guilt and sadness for Leia, some of her earlier anger dissipating; only some, but the other thought in her mind at hearing the story was, “He still didn’t deserve it,” she quietly voices, “You shouldn’t have done what you did.” Rey’s voice wavers slightly, “You could have listened. You could have _talked._ There’s so much you could have done. Don’t get me wrong, Ben isn’t innocent either; but I can only imagine how it felt being in his position and feeling that his parents couldn’t support his decisions.”

Leia stopped twirling the cup, and Rey could see the slight twitch of her fingers against the delicate porcelain, “Yes,” she says, looking up at Rey, “There were a million ways things could have gone but they didn’t. The reality of the situation is what it is; and I’m left to try and mend all the broken pieces.”

Rey is chewing at her lip and looks away briefly, “I’m sure he would appreciate you and him talking,” she looks back towards Leia, “ _actually_ talking. Without looking for forgiveness as the goal. Taking it one step at a time, and giving him the space to get to the point where he himself is ready to forgive.”

There’s a slight shine in Leia’s eyes, the threat of tears there, but she still manages to give a sad smile “You’re right. There was a time after the last big fight where I chased him, demanding his forgiveness. Then it turned to me asking for his forgiveness. I never stopped to just talk to him, to just listen. I made it worse and worse every time.” Leia’s expression became rueful, and Rey could really see her age and the weight she carried on her shoulders for the first time so openly, “I just hope it’s not too late.”

Rey reached out to Leia and placed her hand over Leia’s forearm, giving it a small squeeze and offering what she hoped was a reassuring smile, “I don’t think it is. Just try, but not looking for forgiveness this time, just try for the sake of yourself and Ben; to get to a better place, better than before.”

Leia moves the arm that isn’t in Rey’s grasp to lay her hand right on top of Rey’s, “Thank you, my dear.” She pulls her hand away and picks up a nearby unused napkin, using it to carefully dab at the corners of her eyes, “Look at me, talking so much about my life. What of you? I would love to hear more about you and my son.”

Rey splutters for a second, “We’re not–“

Leia smiles wider, “I meant about your friendship.”

Rey’s cheeks feel heated again, and she hopes that they aren’t as bright red and visible as it feels, “Oh, right, of course,” she smiles.

Rey spends the rest of her evening recounting the story of how she and Ben met as well as some other, carefully chosen, stories of interactions between herself and Ben. She also shares a little bit about herself and Leia listens with rapt interest at every bit of detail. Towards the end of their meeting, they’re both laughing in their shared stories, a comfortable atmosphere around them.

By the time they walk outside, the sun is already beginning its descent, the sky painted in streaks of red, orange, and yellow. Leia turns around and quickly clasps her hands around Rey’s, causing Rey to jolt at the contact in surprise, “Rey, I just want to say thank you for spending time with me.”

Rey is still in shock, barely able to reply, “Oh, thank you for hearing me out as well, Leia. It was a pleasure meeting you and being able to talk with you.”

Leia’s eyes crinkle from how wide her smile is, “Oh, it’s fine. I adore you, Ben better keep treating you right; you’re both good for each other.”

“Leia,” Rey feels flushed, “Ben and I aren’t together like that.”

Leia reaches out with her right hand to gently pat at Rey’s cheek, “I know,” she says, but a knowing look crosses her face, “But I see how he looks at you and you at him. I’ve never seen him look at someone with so much adoration in his eyes.”

A flutter passes through Rey’s heart at the words and she’s caught off guard by how strong it feels. “Leia…”

Leia shakes her head, “I won’t push it further. But take a moment to think through what I said.”

With that, Leia hugs Rey and bids her a farewell as well as expressing her hope that they get together again soon.

Leia turns and leaves then, leaving a flabbergasted and a very flushed Rey behind.

* * *

\- **_March 23,2020_**

> **Ben at 7:00pm:** I’m dying
> 
> **Rey at 7:01pm:** Shouldn’t you be calling 911 then?
> 
> **Ben at 7:10pm:** Brat
> 
> **Rey at 7:15pm: ❤️❤️❤️** seriously though, is everything okay?
> 
> **Ben at 7:20pm:** I’m worried about my dissertation defense coming up. I don’t know if I’m ready…
> 
> **Rey at 7:30pm:** Are you kidding? Of course you’re ready! You’ve been on this for almost a year now! Are you sure that’s what’s really bothering you?
> 
> **Ben at 7:32pm:** No
> 
> **Rey at 7:33pm:** Then?
> 
> **Ben at 7:36pm:** My mother called me. She wants us to meet up.
> 
> **Rey at 7:38pm:** Oh…
> 
> **Ben at 7:40pm:** Yes, I’m not sure if I’m ready to meet with her.
> 
> **Rey at 7:42pm:** I have to tell you something…
> 
> **Ben at 7:45pm:** Tell me what?
> 
> **Rey at 7:47pm:** I…met with your mom 4 days ago and we talked
> 
> **Ben at 7:48pm:** You met and talked?
> 
> **Rey at 7:50pm:** Yes
> 
> **Ben at 7:51pm:** Why didn’t you tell me sooner, Rey?
> 
> **Rey at 7:52pm:** I didn’t want you to be upset. I’m sorry, I was trying to help.
> 
> **Ben at 7:53pm:** Honestly, I’m more upset that you didn’t trust me to tell me sooner. You can tell me anything, you know that.
> 
> **Rey at 7:54pm:** I know, I’m sorry Ben. I promise I was only trying to help.
> 
> **Ben at 7:56pm:** …I know
> 
> **Rey at 7:57pm:** For what it’s worth, she’s really trying. And I think that she understands what she did wrong, she feels bad too. I’m not telling you to accept now, but I do think you should give her a chance. Not for her, but for you to move on.
> 
> **Ben at 7:59pm:** I get that I do. It’s just easier to say than to do it.
> 
> **Rey at 8:01pm:** I know. But I’m here if you need an ear.
> 
> **Ben at 8:05pm:** …Thank you, Rey.
> 
> **Rey at 8:07pm:** You’re welcome 🥰🥰
> 
> **Ben at 8:08pm:** I think I’ll say yes. I’ll let you know.

* * *

\- **_March 29, 2020_**

Rey runs into La Cantina, the raindrops loud against the pavement. The storm was unforeseen, and she cursed her luck for forgetting her umbrella the _one day_ she actually needed it.

It was a shock when Ben suddenly texted her the day before to inform her that he would be in the city for a few days. As she read the text, Rey felt a well of anticipation and excitement that threw her off. It wasn’t as if she wasn’t always excited or happy to see Ben, but she’s realized that with each interaction they’ve had, the level of excitement and anticipation for their next face to face meeting grew more.

Her meeting with Leia certainly didn't help matters at all. If anything, the signs are glaringly noticeable now.

That feeling stuck with her since his text, but dampened considerably this morning by other news that arrived; an email from one of her classes that she hadn’t been expecting. Now she just felt a sense of gloom that has steadily increased throughout the day, similar to the dampness outside.

Lovely.

She’s sure she looks like a drowned rat, her sweater and jeans clinging to her skin uncomfortably. She can already see him seated inside, at their usual table, reading what appears to be a thick textbook open on the middle page.

She walks over to him, shoes squeaking against the floor and she feels a pang of guilt for whoever would be the unfortunate one to have to clean up behind her. Rey is shivering slightly at the cool air of the shop and takes a seat across from Ben. He looks up at her and arches a brow in question, “Stuff it.” she warns in advance and he merely shrugs, his lips twitching in amusement.

They stay like that for several moments, placing their orders once the waitress comes their way and then sitting in silence waiting for the food.

Rey is staring down at her hands on her lap, chewing at her lower lip in thought when he asks, “Want to talk about it?”

Her gaze then moves up to lock with his. His eyes were a confusing mix of hazel and brown, one always dominating the other depending on the amount of light around. Right now it looked like the color of coffee, and Rey is entranced by the intensity of his gaze, unconsciously running her tongue to wet her suddenly dry lips “What’s there to talk about?”

He hones in on the movement, his lips thinning into a straight line, “Rey.”

She’s chewing at her lip again, “My paper about intersectionality didn’t go over well with Professor Ackbar,” she admitted quietly, unable to help the slight crack in her tone at the end.

He’s quiet for a moment, a small tick in his jaw, so subtle she almost missed it, “Let me see.”

“What?”

“Let me see.” he repeats evenly, his hand held out expectantly.

She pulls out her phone, thankful it was spared from the rain—considering she certainly couldn’t afford another one right now—and pulls up her emails, seeing the one dated today that was sent to her from the professor. Rey silently hands over the phone with the attachment open, watching him take the phone into his massive hands and begin reading through it.

They passed the time in silence, the waitress bringing and leaving their orders on the table. Rey is chewing at a bit of chocolate chip muffin, morose and quiet throughout. By the time she finishes picking at the last piece of the muffin, he puts the phone down, “Well?” she asks quietly, already prepared for similar feedback.

“Your grammar is atrocious.”

Hey eyes narrow, anger and indignation flaring from within her and mixing with her other negative feelings, “What?”

“Ah, there’s that spark again.”

Rey quickly realizes what he wanted, a reaction, “You’re a monster,” she scoffs, turning her face to the side to avoid his gaze.

She hears him let out a soft chuckle, “Yes, I am.”

“Anything else aside from the _atrocious_ grammar?”

“No,” he begins to say and her head instantly turns back towards him, to see him hold up a hand to stop her from interrupting, “Don’t get me wrong. Your points could have benefitted from further citations and evidence but overall it is acceptable.”

“Acceptable.” she repeats flatly.

“Acceptable.” he confirms, followed by a quirk of his lips.

She identifies his teasing instantly and leans over to smack his shoulder, “You’re impossible!” she admonishes, though the smile on her face diminishes the heat of her words. 

He’s laughing now which feeds into her own amusement and pulls laughter from her. Her mind seems to lighten considerably, the previous dark thoughts muted by Ben and his teasing.

Rey could see a slight dimple in his cheeks by the time their laughter dies down, “I’m not lying by the way, you did do a good job. Based on your professor’s feedback though, I can only say that he seems stuck on applying the western conceptualizations of intersectionality to a global scale; which is why I said that you could have benefited from more sources and citations to argue your point. I do like how you emphasize the importance of needing to revise what we currently know as intersectionality and our perceptions of it to represent a more comprehensive conceptualization of intersectionality.”

“You do?” Rey asks, almost hating the amount of hope in her words, “I was looking into different contributors on the subject and found this whole other perspective that I never even considered before. I thought it was worth adding because it is important but.” she looks down at her lap then, “I don’t think it fit what Professor Ackbar was looking for.”

Ben reaches forward and grabs one of her hand, giving it a squeeze and calling her attention to him again, “No, you’re right to do it,” he asserts, “Unless service providers take intersectionality into account, they will be of less use for various segments of the population. This isn’t even including the global scale, with increasing immigration comes the need to adapt our view of what intersectionality is and be flexible to seeing their view. If we’re blind to it then we’re of no use to the clients.” 

Rey nods, feeling lightened by his words, “Thank you, Ben,” she gives a hesitant smile, “I really appreciate your honesty.”

Ben nods, giving her hand a squeeze once more before pulling away, and Rey’s mind instinctively wants to stop him but she stubbornly holds off on it, “No problem,” he says, “I would say that you could dispute the grading, maybe they can have someone else review it in your professors place. You definitely deserve more than what you were given.”

Rey shakes her head, “It’s fine.” she says quietly, whether to reassure him or herself she cannot say, “I’m going to leave it as is. I don’t want to start up any issues mid-semester and, if anything, I’ll use this as a learning experience to keep going and growing as a social worker.”

Ben holds a serious gaze, as if he wants to refute her point, but nods nevertheless, “I’ll respect that decision.”

Rey smiles then, followed quickly by another full body shiver, goosebumps rising in her skin from the cold of the store mixing with the damp of her clothes. Ben notices and immediately stands, pulling off his own wool coat and wordlessly holds it out for her. 

“Ben, you don’t—”

He shakes his head, “Take it, you look like a drowned rat.” 

Her eyes are wide and her jaw gaping, “Ben!”

He smiles then, “Seriously, Rey, just take it. You look like you need it more right now.”

She doesn’t try to argue further, knowing that he would certainly get his way in the end if she did, so instead she accepts it gratefully. She pulls down the zipper of her hoodie and peels the uncomfortable sweater off, taking a napkin and quickly dabbing at her exposed arms. She then pulls his coat on, the warmth of it instantly settling into her skin and a happy hum leaves her lips. She leaves her sweater open and draped over the empty seat adjacent to her and takes her seat once more, glancing over at Ben.

He’s staring open-mouthed at her, his eyes wide and surprised. She looks at him in confusion, trying to understand what caused such a reaction. It takes a moment to realize he’s not looking _at_ her face so she looks down to see what caught his interest—

A high-pitched squeak leaves her mouth as mortification sets in. There, underneath the open flaps of his coat, was her very wet, and _thin_ , white shirt. The material is practically translucent now, and she curses herself for her lack of foresight when she decided to forego her bra. Her nipples were clearly showing through the shirt, alert and stiff at the cool air surrounding them. Rey grasps both flaps of the coat and quickly works to close the front of the coat, her cheeks heating more and more each second.

By the time she looks back over at Ben, his face is turned away and she sees the tint of pink on his cheeks as well as on the tips of his ears that were poking out from the cover of his long, full looking hair. “S—sorry,” he stammers out, apparently refusing to look at her.

“N—no” she stutters out, “It’s fine. Not your fault, right?” she laughs, the sound completely awkward sounding.

Ben huffs out a laugh, “I suppose. I shouldn’t have stared though.”

Her heart skips a beat at his words, not just because he admitted that he shouldn’t have stared but also because he doesn’t mention that he _isn’t_ put off by her, and because he seems so visibly affected by seeing her. It feeds into a shiver that runs down her spine and a heat that’s settling in her stomach.

She ignores all of it in favor of giving a smile, “It’s fine,” she says, and is able to divert them over to a new topic of conversation.

They continue that way for another hour or so, never revisiting that moment though it seemed to weigh on both of them heavily.

They leave the café in comfortable silence, Ben insisting that he drop Rey off at her apartment building so she wouldn’t have to trudge through more rain or deal with public transportation. She couldn’t find it within herself to fight him and merely nodded her head. They both got into Ben’s sleek looking blue car, and rode out the 10 minute trip with only the sounds of classical music drifting from the car speakers.

He pulls over right in front of the entrance, jumping out of the car to run to the other side and open the door for Rey. He opens his umbrella to cover her, and walks her right to the entrance. Despite Rey’s hesitation, she envelopes him in a hug. Rey feels him tense for a brief moment, before he lifts his free arm to wrap around her. Rey can hear the rapid thudding of his heart, even louder than the sounds of the many raindrops hitting the pavement around them.

She runs underneath the canopy of the building and bids him farewell , staying at the threshold of the main entrance to see him get back to his car and drive off. Rey closes the entrance door and presses a hand to her chest, her breath heaving and heart beating a fierce rhythm.

She realizes then that she still has his jacket on, and that he never asked for it back. It only serves to intensify the reactions she’s feeling.

And she knows, _knows_ , what it is. Why this was happening. She closes her eyes and expels out a shaky breath, mentally preparing to admit to herself what this was. What this means.

Rey Niima is in love with Ben Solo. 

And now she doesn’t know what to do about it. 

* * *

\- **_April 17,2020_**

> **Rey at 9:13am:** Are you still coming Sunday?
> 
> **Ben at 9:15am:** Yes, of course. Why?
> 
> **Rey at 9:17am:** Oh, just wanted to know so I can bring your coat with me when we meet. I didn’t give it back last time, remember?
> 
> **Ben at 9:20am:** Oh. Right. Sure, bring it with you.
> 
> **Rey at 9:21am:** Are you okay?
> 
> **Ben at 9:23am:** Yes. Sorry, my oral defense is today.
> 
> **Rey at 9:27am:** Really?! When??
> 
> **Ben at 9:30am:** In an hour
> 
> **Rey at 9:31am:** Oh god, okay then I’ll leave you so you can focus. Best of luck, Ben!! I know you’ll do great J J
> 
> **Ben at 9:34am:** No it’s fine, I could use the distraction right now. How are you?
> 
> **Rey at 9:39am:** Trying to stay awake in Professor Pava’s class.
> 
> **Ben at 9:45am:** Clearly concentrating?
> 
> **Rey at 9:48am:** I can practically hear the sarcasm in your voice.
> 
> **Ben at 9:53am:** You’re an example to grad students everywhere.
> 
> **Rey at 9:59am:** Ben, I will murder you.

* * *

\- **_April 19, 2020_**

“How did it go?”

Ben glances up towards her briefly before looking back down at the coffee mug in his hands and shrugs, “Okay, I think. The questions at the end from Professor Holdo had me blanking briefly for a moment though.”

Rey nods, taking a sip of her tea, Earl Grey today, “I can imagine. I don’t know how I would manage in your place.” she laughs lightly, “But you’ve been at this for a year now. I’m sure you did great.”

Ben smiles at her then, and she’s briefly caught off guard by how open he seems, “Thank you. I just hope it was enough to pass.”

“Hey,” she calls his attention, her hand automatically holding onto one of his. His fingers immediately curl over hers, and it sends a wave of tingles up her arm at the contact, “You will pass.” she says confidently, “You are smart and passionate about what you do. Even if I don’t know your topic, I know that you did your best.”

A slight pink tints his cheeks at her words and he again mumbles out a thank you in response.

“Besides,” she looks down briefly before looking back at him again, chewing at her bottom lip, “No matter what happens, I’ll always be proud of you.”

The pink darkens in color, and he runs his free hand through his hair in nervousness. His other hand squeezes hers slightly, “I’m proud of you too, you know.”

Now it was her turn to flush at that, “Thank you.”

They stay that way for a while, neither wanting to break contact with the other, and eventually Ben is the first to speak again, “So, I wanted to ask you…”

“Ask me?”

“If you wanted to come to my graduation next month?”

“Oh!” Rey opens her mouth in surprise, “When is it?”

“May 12th.”

Rey pauses as if to think, though her answer was already made, “Well, I think I can manage.” she replies before adding, “If you also come to mine on the 19th?”

“Deal.” Ben says instantly.

She laughs then, “Ben, I didn’t even finish saying what my conditions were.”

Ben shakes his head, “Doesn’t matter, the answer is yes.”

Rey laughs more, “Okay, so then you’ll let me see your final dissertation?”

Ben pauses then, swallowing, “You want to see it?”

“Yes,” she confirms, adding a nod in as well, “I would love to see your dissertation. Maybe I can also critique you for atrocious grammar,” she adds in a teasing tone.

He smirks then, “Brat.”

She smiles, basking in the moment shared between them.

* * *

\- **_April 22, 2020_**

“You could just tell him.” 

Rey pauses from typing out her response to Ben’s latest text and looks up at her best friend, Finn, “Tell him what?”

“Come on, peanut, you know what I’m talking about.”

Rey nibbles at her bottom lip in nervousness, “I don’t.” she lies, because she actually does but she hasn’t even really spent time to actually digest and consider what this means by herself, so she is less prepared to talk about it with her friend.

“Really?” he asks skeptically, rolling his eyes, “Because I think you do, Rey Niima.”

Rey sighs, “Finn, I haven’t even talked it out with myself. I’m not ready to talk about it with him.”

“But peanut, he’s graduating soon. Didn’t you tell me that he said he was planning on moving out east?” 

Rey frowned then, “He said he wasn’t sure yet,” she whispered, ignoring the sinking feeling in her stomach at the thought of him moving away from her.

“Yes, and do you _want_ him to possibly decide to move away without knowing how you feel?”

“But what if he doesn’t feel the same way?” Rey argues back, the words sounding weak even in her own ears.

“But what if he does?” Finn counters, arms crossed over his chest.

Rey looks away, instead focusing on the salad in front of her, “I don’t want to lose what we have.” she admits quietly.

“I doubt you will,” Finn presses, “I’ve seen how you both look at each other before. He looks at you like you’re the world.”

Rey is still unconvinced, frowning as she continues, “But Finn, he hasn’t said anything to me yet either.”

“Because he’s stupidly shy, Rey.” Finn rolls his eyes as if his answer were the most obvious, “It took me meeting him a good _three_ times before he said a word to me other than ‘hi’ and ‘bye’.”

Rey still shook her head, stubbornness refusing to give in so easily.

“Look peanut, I love you. I do. But you and Ben are ridiculously blind. I see it. Rose sees it. Hell, even Poe sees it. That means that _something_ is there. You can choose to either take that leap or loose that chance and forever wonder what could’ve been.”

He stands up and pats her shoulder once before leaving the cafeteria area. The room is abuzz with chatter and laughter, but none of it reaches Rey’s ears. Instead, she’s stuck staring at the phone that’s on top of the table, the screen still open and showing the text conversation with Ben and feeling more confused than ever before.

* * *

\- **_May 8, 2020_**

> **Rey at 11:00am:** Question
> 
> **Ben at 11:10am:** Answer.
> 
> **Rey at 11:12am:** Haha, very funny K
> 
> **Ben at 11:15am:** I know, I’m a riot.
> 
> **Rey at 11:19am:** 😤😤😤 Anyway, what am I wearing to this ceremony?
> 
> **Ben at 11:21am:** Well, I don't think they have strict requirements, other than not naked.
> 
> **Rey at 11:25am:** Okay, but hypothetically if I were a nudist I'd argue that infringes my rights.
> 
> **Ben at 11:29am:** Are you saying you’re a nudist? I mean, I wouldn’t mind it but I’m sure that the university might have some words. 
> 
> **Rey at 11:32am:** Of course you wouldn’t. By the way, when am I going to see your dissertation?
> 
> **Ben at 11:43am:** I’ll email it to you the day before your graduation.
> 
> **Rey at 11:45am:** Afraid I’m going to break it to pieces, Solo? 😏 😏 😏
> 
> **Ben at 11:59am:** As if you could.
> 
> **Rey at 12:03pm:** But Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen
> 
> **Ben at 12:05pm:** Rey.
> 
> **Rey at 12:10pm:** Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen
> 
> **Ben at 12:18pm:** Rey, you’re not changing my mind.
> 
> **Rey at 12:20pm:** Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen
> 
> **Ben at 12:21pm:** Brat.
> 
> **Rey at 12:23pm:** 😭 😭 😭 😭
> 
> **Ben at 12:25pm:** Oh, remember I won’t be coming by on Sunday since I’m seeing you for graduation.
> 
> **Rey at 12:28pm:** Fine, meanie.
> 
> **Ben at 12:31pm:** Only for you.

* * *

\- **_May 12, 2020_**

“Benjamin Solo, advised by Amilyn Holdo and Armitage Hux advised by Rae Sloane.”

Rey is screaming at the top of her lungs when she hears Ben’s name being called by the speaker, watching with joy as he ascends the steps followed by his advisor, Dr. Holdo. She barely registers the ginger man and his advisor behind him, so focused on the sight of Ben wearing the black regalia that had dark blue trim along with the school emblem sewn on the top of the gown. Leia’s voice was equally as loud next to her, while Han was at Leia’s other side, stoic but with a slight twitch in his lips.

“Advisors, please hood your candidates.”

Rey watches Ben turn slightly to hand his advisor his hood, a dark blue sash with white and yellow inner trimming, and bend his knees down as best he can, which was impressive considering he is a literal giant after all, and watches Dr. Holdo lift the hood over his head and settle it around his neck. Once both advisors did so, Ben and the other candidate stood up and the crowd clapped. Rey jumped up and down in excitement, whooping loudly and probably annoying more than a few other onlookers but she could care less at this moment, her heart nearly bursting with emotion. Ben turned to shake hands with Dr. Holdo and proceeded to shake hands with two other people, most likely part of the academic board, and receive a diploma cover from the second one.

He continues across the stage and down the steps, walking towards where he’s being directed by the ushers back to his seat. From there, Rey tuned out for the rest of the ceremony, barely registering the other few students walking across in similar fashion and only clapping as appropriate.

Towards the end, the president of the university took his place in front of the podium once more, “Thank you all. Before we end, I want to call upon one student to give some closing remarks to his fellow graduating group. He is among the youngest graduating today with his doctorate in psychology,” Rey feels her heart picking up speed at those words, her eyes instantly seeking out a tall body within the crowd of graduates while the president continues, “And I believe that he, like everyone else here today, will contribute many great advancements to his chosen field; Benjamin Solo.”

The crowd claps politely, while Rey and Leia exchange curious glances, both thrown off by the sudden announcement. Rey looks further down to Han, and sees him looking straight ahead, although there was a strange gleam in his eye.

Ben takes the stage once more, shaking hands with the president before coming to stand at the podium.

His low and smooth voice is clear and crisp, even with the rather subpar speaker system. “Good afternoon everyone,” he begins, “Considering it’s over 80 degrees and humid I think everyone is more than ready to end this ceremony.” a couple of people chuckled at that, “So I will keep this as short as possible. When I first entered into the program, it was with a lot of trepidation and anxiety about the unknown. Just like when we first enter college for our associates or bachelors and we’re told that it’s not like high school, the same can be said for the doctorate program. I think my fellow professionals in the field can attest to this.” more laughter from the students and from the crowd, “It’s been a long journey to arrive here. Lots of sleepless nights, endless hours researching and running statistical analysis through SPSS, some of us at our wits end and wondering if we would be able to make it through.”

Ben takes a deep breath then, and continues, “But in this journey, I think it’s safe to say that a major driving force for many, if not all of us, was our support systems. Those that have helped us pull through even in our lowest points.” From there, he scans the area, and she could swear that his gaze lands on, and holds, her own, “I can say that without my support system, I may not have made it here today. After this ceremony, when we celebrate this grand accomplishment, let’s take a moment to also thank those that put up with us and supported us through all the highs and lows. Also, let’s remember to celebrate hard, we deserve it.”

A loud round of applause rang out in the area, the graduates hollering and whooping loudly. Ben thanked everyone and left, the president coming up to take the occupied spot. “Thank you, Benjamin,” he says, “And now I ask that all the graduates stand.”

The students do as told, the president offering a few more words, wishing them luck, and congratulating the group. Ear-splitting levels of screams rang out at the end of the president's words.

Shortly afterwards, the graduates filed out and mixed in with the general crowd, most likely to meet with their loved ones. Rey’s eyes though kept scanning the area, looking for a familiar tall figure and frowning when she couldn’t find him.

A squeal left her lips when two hands suddenly covered her eyes. She felt a pair of lips get close to her left ear and his familiar voice reached her, “Penny for your thoughts?”

Rey turns around the same time that Ben lets his hands fall back down to his sides, “Ben! Congratulations!” Rey beams, and without thinking practically throws her arms around him in a hug.

He freezes for a second before returning the hug and they stay that way for several seconds. “Thank you,” he mumbles into her hair and she feels her heart thump a little faster in response.

“Ben!”

Both Ben and Rey quickly extricate themselves and take a step away from each other to face his parents. Leia is smiling, meanwhile Han maintains the same cool expression on his face.

Han is the first to speak, coming up to clap Ben on the back, “Congratulations, kid. I’m proud of you.”

Ben stares openly at his father in shock for a few seconds before saying, “Thanks, Dad.”

Han nods before stepping back. Leia seems to be hesitant on how to approach him. Ben glances at Rey and she gives him a reassuring smile in return; hoping to encourage him to take a step forward.

Ben glances back at Leia, and he gives her a small hesitant smile before holding his arms out in invitation. Leia’s smile widens and she quickly moves towards him and gives him a big hug, “Congratulations Ben,” she says, “I’m so happy and proud of you.”

“Thank you, Mom.” he says in response.

Rey feels happy at the sight and she shares a smile with Han, although his was only a slight twitch upwards compared to hers. Leia steps back then and looks between Ben and Rey, “Oh! Let’s take a picture of you two!”

Ben and Rey exchange a glance and she shrugs, figuring that it would be hard to refute Leia’s requests, “Sure.” she acquiesces, walking to Ben and facing Leia.

“Closer! Leia instructs, already holding out her phone sideways and trying to fiddle with the angle.

Rey steps closer, and she feels the heat of his body against her, and she can already feel the flush on her cheeks.

“Come on, both of you can get closer!”

She hears Ben sigh and whisper, “Sorry about this.”

“No, no, it’s fine.” she assures him, though her heart is practically leaping out of her chest at this point. She brings her arm up to wrap around his midsection while his hand settles on her shoulder and she looks over at Leia then, waiting for her further instruction.

“Okay, now smile!” Leia says, the clicking camera sound ringing out from her phone several times. She glances down at the phone and smiles fondly, “Okay, I’ll send them to you later then.”

“Okay!” Rey says, turning to Ben, “Is it okay to take pictures of you and your parents?”

He nods in response and Rey switches places with Leia, using her phone to take pictures of Ben with his parents together and then pictures of Ben with each parent separately. She sends the pictures to Leia’s phone immediately, already having her number since their first meeting, and soon they begin to speak about the ceremony as well as some of the speakers.

“Ben, you didn’t tell me you were going to speak!” Rey says while they’re all walking towards Han’s car to go to the restaurant and celebrate.

Ben shrugs, “It wasn’t a big deal.”

“What do you mean? Of course it is!” Rey counters, turning around and walking backwards in order to see him.

“It wasn’t,” Ben asserts, giving another shrug, “It wasn’t the thing I was most looking forward to.”

“Well, the graduating part doesn’t count since you’re already guaranteed to graduate.”

“It wasn’t that either.”

“Then? What were you excited about?”

Ben’s lips twitch into a smirk, “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“I would, which is why I ask.”

“You did. Doesn’t mean I’ll answer.”

Rey pouts, “Ben,” she whines, “Tell me, please?”

“Maybe in your graduation,” he replies.

“You meanie.”

Ben laughs then, reaching forward, grabs her hand and pulls her back to his side, wrapping an arm around her shoulders while they continue their walk.

She feels her heart accelerate again, and it’s a miracle she hasn’t landed in the hospital yet with how erratic her heart was behaving lately, but she doesn’t find it within herself to pull away; instead snuggling closer to his warmth, despite the already hot and humid temperature.

“You know, you still owe me that dissertation.” She mumbles, thankful that he can’t see her as she’s sure her face is blushing at the feeling of his strong, corded muscles pressed against her side.

“So impatient.” He teases lighty.

“Hey, you promised!” She huffs out in reply.

He remains silent for a few seconds, squeezing her hand once before he answers, “I did. Since when have you known me to break a promise?”

Rey doesn’t have an answer for that, because she can’t remember a time that he’s even gone back on his word, “Point taken, but I better get it before graduation.”

“Don’t worry, you will.” he replies back. She can just sense the peaceful smile on his face as he speaks, and it fills her with so much happiness and warmth at knowing he is like this with her. That they are both able to let their true selves show to each other. That she doesn’t feel alone with Ben.

She can only hope he feels the same.

The rest of the night was shared in bliss with Ben and his family; and it wasn’t until after Rey was safely back at her hotel room for the night that she realized that the whole time they were together she spent it physically touching and holding onto Ben more than they’ve ever done since they met.

And she doesn’t mind it one bit.

* * *

\- **_May 18 th, 2020_**

> **Rey at 7:00pm:** Ben
> 
> **Rey at 7:12pm:** Beeeeeeeeen
> 
> **Rey at 7:19pm:** Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen
> 
> **Ben at 7:30pm:** Rey.
> 
> **Rey at 7:32pm:** Where is your dissertation?
> 
> **Ben at 7:33pm:** Did I not send it?
> 
> **Rey at 7:35pm:** Ben 😤 😤 😤 😤
> 
> **Ben at 7:39pm:** Hi.
> 
> **Rey at 7:49pm:** Ben, stop trying to distract me. Dissertation please.
> 
> **Ben at 7:50pm:** You’re not going to let it go, are you?
> 
> **Rey at 7:51pm:** Nope! 🙂🙂🙂
> 
> **Ben at 7:55pm:** ….Fine, but promise me that when you read it you won’t say anything until tomorrow about it.
> 
> **Rey at 7:57pm:** Scared? 😛
> 
> **Ben at 8:00pm:** Yeah right. Anyway, promise.
> 
> **Rey at 8:03pm:** You’re being weird. But fine. I won’t tear down your dissertation and point out your atrocious grammar until after my graduation. Fair?
> 
> **Ben at 8:10pm:** Okay, check your inbox. See you tomorrow, Rey.
> 
> **Rey at 8:13pm:** Yay! Night Ben!!
> 
> **Ben at 8:14pm:** Goodnight, Rey.

Rey is bouncing in her seat, refreshing her inbox repeatedly while waiting for the telltale ding signaling that she received a new email. She’s excited to be able to read Ben’s dissertation, break it down piece by piece and see the amount of work he put into each component of it. He never mentioned what he was working on, only briefly mentioning that he made a shift on his overall topic and had to redo some of his research. She never knew why he had been so secretive about his work, considering they have been friends for three years, but he was very evasive with her questions and managed to avoid giving out too much detail.

She jumped in surprise when the ding reached her ears, even though she was already anticipating it, and she quickly turns her attention back to her laptop instantly clicking on the first email that had Ben’s email address.

> **From:** Ben.Solo@chandrila.uni.edu
> 
> **To:** Rey.Niima@coruscant.uni.edu
> 
> _Monday, May 18, 2020 at 8:15pm_
> 
> Rey,
> 
> See attached.
> 
> Best,
> 
> Ben Solo

Rey is staring at the pdf attachment, excitement cresting over her as she clicks it and watches her laptop load it. The first thing that greets her is the cover page:

* * *

A Multi-Method Approach to Address Reactive Attachment Disorder with Children and Parents

Benjamin Solo

A dissertation submitted to the faculty at Chandrila University in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctorate in the Psychology program.

Dissertation Supervisor: Amilyn Holdo

* * *

The first thing that Rey feels is confusion. Reactive Attachment Disorder? She remembers having various discussions with him about that particular disorder and the different treatments available. She remembers their back and forth banter just months ago about the best treatment approach. So to say she was surprised was an understatement.

Still Rey scrolls on, looking through the dissertation approval page, and the abstract; reading about the different approaches to address the disorder with children. As well as, how to better educate and prepare parents through interventions such as play therapy for children, family therapy, and parenting skills classes with a focus on emotional regulation for the parents and maintaining a balance of encouragement and discipline.

She’s enraptured, reading through the abstract thoroughly before coming up to the curriculum vitae, which lists all of his school information, areas of special interest, degrees awarded, and other professional publications in which he made a contribution to.

Then she reaches the acknowledgements page.

He writes his gratitude to his advisor for her support. He writes his appreciation for all the members within his program from providing their insight and own contributions to his dissertation. He writes about his research assistance, thanking them for going above and beyond in their work. He thanks the parents and children that participated in the research for sharing their experiences. He thanks his friend Hux for his support and comradery while they both struggled with their respective works. He briefly thanks his parents. But towards the end of his acknowledgements…

He thanks _her_. 

_Finally, I am so deeply grateful for one special person in my life, Rey. She has provided much light and love in my life and made all the hard days’ worth it. I appreciate you all and am lost without you. Thank you for believing in me._

Her breath is caught in her throat then, her heart accelerating as her brain processes every word slowly. The thing that she feels every time she thinks of Ben takes root, wrapping itself tightly around her heart and soul. That feeling that she’s only admitted to herself once, and only in her mind. That feeling that scared the ever living shit out of her because it means so much more than what they currently have.

Or at least meant.

Because based on the words she’s read, she feels a small flame of hope bloom from within, her body feeling much lighter and freer than just a minute before. Ben feels the same, her mind echoes those words repeatedly over and over in her mind. Ben feels the same, he has deeper feelings too.

Ben loves her too. 

She feels numb with the knowledge, her body drowned in bliss while her pointer finger continues to scroll down over the mouse wheel of her wireless mouse, landing on the next page—the dedication.

 _This dissertation is dedicated to Rey, who has always believed in me._

She closes the laptop, suddenly unable to see past that line; unable to process anything beyond what she just read. And it’s silly, really, how she never saw it before.

Chandrila University is a four hour drive away from Coruscant University. He has always gone out of his way to meet her every month. _Four hour drive_ , for Christ’s sake, not to mention his insistence in paying for her meals, as well as him always checking in on her whenever she’s had a bad day; just as she has done for him.

And only _now_ does she realize how much they’ve done for each other without realizing it, going beyond the scope of friends for a while now, possibly since the beginning of their friendship.

How Rey spent many sleepless nights talking with Ben, keeping him awake and focused on completing his research. Emailing him endless articles on play therapy and family therapy, although at the time she didn’t know why he needed them. Him helping her on reading through her important papers, offering points to improve on or edits.

They’ve always been there for each other.

They _love_ each other.

Butterflies form in her stomach then, and she feels she won’t be able to sleep at all now. Still, she resolves to stop and tuck herself in for the night.

Ready to confront her own feelings once and for all. 

* * *

\- **_May 19, 2020_**

“Please stand graduates of Nursing”

There’s a loud round of cheers just to the left of Rey and her group, the entire student body of those in the nursing program chanting nursing loudly and repeatedly. Her whole body is abuzz, excitement mounting when she realizes that, according to the program pamphlet on her lap, the next field that would be called is…

“Please stand graduates of Social Work.”

Rey stands, along with the other eighty or so graduates, a wide smile on her face despite the drizzling and humid eighty degree weather. If she were honest, it felt more like ninety degree weather but she couldn’t care less. The cheers among her department were loud, drowning out even those from the considerably larger nursing program. She’s elated, she is graduating right now, and afterwards…

Her smile widens.

Her ceremony was nowhere near as extravagant as Ben’s was; which was fair considering his was for his doctorates while hers was for her masters. It certainly wasn’t ideal weather either, but nothing could dampen her mood now.

Since she was standing, she spares a glance back to the crowd that was standing several feet behind, where her eyes instantly hone in on intense hazel. He was wearing black suit with a white dress shirt underneath, the clothing highlighting how massive and powerful his body is. She blushes even more then at that thought.

“Provost Vane concludes the presentation of all candidates for degrees and certifications in the School of Health Sciences, Human Services, and Nursing. Congratulations graduates, you may be seated.”

Rey turns back around, and takes her seat once more. Finn nudges her from his seat to her left, “Ben is here?” he whispered.

Rey nodded, her blush deepening, “Ben is here.”

Finn opened his mouth to continue but was interrupted by the speaker, “President Skywalker, we have now presented all candidates for bachelors and masters degrees as well as certificates and advanced certificates from Coruscant University. Bachelor of Arts, Bachelor of Fine Arts, Bachelor of Science, Bachelor of Business Administration, Master of Arts, Master of Arts in teaching, Master of Fine Arts, Master of Science, Master of Science in Education, Master of Social Work, and certificates and advanced certificates.”

The President of the University takes his spot then, an older man with a rather scraggly beard and old warm blue eyes. He’s standing in front of the podium, and begins his closing speech, “In pursuance of the authority vested in me by law on the recommendations of the faculty in accordance with the action of the trustees of the City University of Coruscant, I now confer upon each of you the degree from which you have been recommended.”

A deafening round of applause rings out from both the graduating class as well as the family and friends attending, nearly drowning out President Skywalker’s words, but he continues, “My congratulations to all bachelors, masters, certificates, and advanced certificate graduates. I now invite all undergraduates to turn your tassels to the left. Congratulations again to the class of 2020.”

The students all stand, some jumping, others hugging classmates and friends nearby. Caps are being flung into the air while more applause and cheers reach Rey’s ears. But in that moment it all feels muted. She automatically turns back around, finding him once more, standing and giving her a warm smile, crinkles appearing in the corners of his eyes. She moves automatically, pulled by some invisible force, her steps bringing her closer and closer to her destination. He’s still standing there, eyes intense and dark, appearing calm and collected though she can see the slight shift in his gait and the tick in his jaw. His hand comes up to rake through his hair, and he breaks eye contact for a split second and she knows then. He’s just as nervous as she is now.

Rey stops just mere inches away from him, “Hey.”

“Congratulations, Rey.”

His warm voice wraps around her, soothes her in a way that she’s never really noticed until now. It also feeds into a growing warmth developing in her chest and stomach, “Thank you.” she replies sincerely.

They remain in brief silence then, the rest of the world forgotten in a blur of colors and bodies. Without thinking, her hand comes up to cradle his cheek and he leans into her touch, his eyes close briefly at the contact and his chest expands in a deep breath. Her own breaths are short and quick, and she blurts out the first thought in her head, “Let’s go back to my place.”

He freezes then, his mouth agape while he stares at her wide-eyed. “Your place?” he stammers out in question.

Rey bites her lower lip and nods once in response, her hand that was on his cheek now traveling downwards to grab his hand and give it a light tug.

He’s still staring at her, as if seeing her for the first time. “Rey, I…” he swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing while he swallows, “I have some things to say.” 

She shushes him, “We can talk at my place. Unless…you don’t want to?”

“No, no!” he says immediately, “I want to.”

Rey smiles then, courage filling her, “Okay then, let’s go.”

* * *

The ride to her apartment building was in silence, and with each second she feels the hum in her body growing in intensity. They skipped past their planned meal celebration and for that she is thankful, since for probably the first time ever she doesn’t find herself hungry.

Goosebumps are blooming across her flesh, and her mouth is getting drier the closer they get to the apartment. She leads him into the building, and up the two sets of stairs to the second floor. They walk to her door, the numbers _202_ clear on the front of it, and she silently unlocks it and walks past the threshold, turning and motioning for him to follow.

He walks inside and she closes the front door. She takes a moment to process the image, the idea of him being there in her apartment. The way he easily fills the entire room, looking far too massive for her small living room/kitchen combo to contain.

She quickly toes off her heels and leaves them by the door before she pulls down the zipper of her graduation gown, taking it and the cap off to reveal the turquoise spaghetti strap bodycon mini dress underneath; finally setting both the cap and gown aside on the kitchen counter and turning back to him.

He stands there frozen, and she would smile at his awkwardness and nerves if she weren’t feeling them herself. Instead, she grabs his hand again and leads him to the dark blue sofa against the right wall of the room. She presses lightly on his shoulders, wordlessly instructing him to sit down. Once he does sit, she follows suit, sitting down mere inches away from him. Their bodies are angled towards each other, and they just gaze into each other’s eyes.

The silence is equal parts comforting and suffocating.

Ben is the first to speak, “Rey…I—“

But Rey jumps in and interrupts him before he can finish, “How come?” she blurts out, biting at her tongue immediately afterwards for being so forward. But a rather large part of her wanted to just skip past the small talk and get straight to the topic in her mind. To know why; why now, why in that way, why _her_?

It wasn’t that she had low self-esteem. But Ben was so much more accomplished then she was, and a part of her had always believed that he would click with someone in his program. The fact that he’s been single this whole time had always been a mystery to her, because he is perfect in every way.

His jaw is ticking while he considers her question, “I don’t know,” he admits, raking a hand through his hair as he continues, “Christ, Rey, there probably could’ve been a million ways that I could’ve done it. You deserve so much, but I guess part of it was that you did help me a lot, you push me, you challenge me, make me want to be a better person. I thought about what I could do to tell you how I felt, but I was too much of a coward to do it in person.”

“I didn’t know, you never told me.” she whispers.

“You didn’t tell me either.” he points out.

Rey smiled then, “Fair point. But Ben,” Rey placed her hand on his lap, “I…it’s been three it’s been three _years_ , Ben.”

“Three years,” he echoes back, “I know,” he sighs, placing one of his hands over hers on his lap, “But maybe we can start from today?”

He left the question out in the open, giving the floor to Rey to determine where they go from here. The air is thick, so much so that it could be cut with a knife. Rey sees his piercing gaze, a hint of vulnerability underneath it, crumbling the façade of confidence he was trying to portray. Instinctively, she reaches her hand out and cups his cheek, “I would love that,” she admits, “Can we start now?”

His lips twitch to a barely there smile, “What did you have in mind?”

His voice was deeper, a husky note in it that causes a shiver to run down her spine. She’s nervous, but within the nerves a fire is building, starting as a small flicker of a flame but growing the more she stares into his eyes. She isn’t sure whether it’s boldness or just pure impulsivity, but before she realizes what she’s doing, she’s moved close enough to swing her right leg over to straddle him. Her dress rides up with the movement, bunching up over her thighs so that the only barrier between them are his pants and her panties. Rey’s arms come to rest on his shoulders while his are frozen now at his sides in shock.

He’s staring at her, wide-eyed, confusion etched into his gaze. She briefly wonders if maybe she was too forward, and her mortification at the whole thing is building and building, and _oh god_ she went too far and she needs to get off of him…

Her panic dissipates when she feels his strong hands settle themselves on her hips. She chances a glance back up to him and sees his eyes darkened in lust. Rey shifts a little, and she _definitely_ doesn’t miss the slight bulge that she feels brush against the seam of her panties. A low moan slips from his lips at the same time she lets out a shaky exhale.

His hands tighten on her waist, and he subconsciously shifts his hips against her, creating a sweet friction between her legs and building that fire in her stomach towards a raging inferno.

“Rey.” he groans, and she visibly shakes at the gravelly sound of his voice.

“Ben.” she pants, shifting her hips again subtly, feeling a growing wetness that matches her increasing lust.

He bucks into her roughly, ripping a loud moan from her. “Shit,” he curses, repeating the movement, “Shit.”

“Ah!” she cries out, her fingers flexing against the hard muscles of his shoulders.

Ben stops, shuddering underneath her, his fingers pressing against her hips so hard that she’s sure they’ll leave bruises; although she honestly can’t say she minds it. If anything, the idea of him marking her, it feeds into the growing heat of arousal in her.

“Why’d you stop?” She asks breathily, trying to grind against him but his fingers completely halting any of her attempts to move.

“Wait,” he gasps, his hips moving minutely, almost as if he can’t help himself, “Wait.”

“You have really shitty timing,” Rey says grumpily, looking down between them to emphasize her point.

“Brat,” he replies back playfully before his expression becomes serious, “Let me take you out to dinner.”

“Now?” Rey asks a bit incredulously, shifting her hips to emphasize her point, _again_.

“Shit,” he curses, bucking his hips on instinct before stopping himself, “Later,” he grounds out, “Fuck it, tomorrow if you want.” He’s shifting slowly, pulling her hips towards him and settling on a slow rhythm. “We can have breakfast. Whatever you want.” he pauses to take a breath and collect himself then, “I just want you to know that this—I want us to be serious.”

She searches his eyes, seeing his gaze steady with no hint of a lie within their depths. Not that she believed he would lie about something like this, but her life has been full of people coming and going, and a miniscule part of her within the dark corners of her heart always holds some doubt whenever someone walks into her life and promises to stay.

But this was Ben, and just as he would take on his work and schooling with serious intensity, she should’ve known that he would be completely sincere and committed to this, to _them_.

The significance of this moment was not lost to her.

“Okay.” she sighs, her heart fluttering within her chest at the word.

He smiles in response, though it doesn’t lessen the intensity of his dark eyes, “I want to kiss you now.” he murmurs to himself.

Rey manages to catch it though, and she grinds herself purposely against him, grabbing his attention, “You can,” she breathes, and adds, “I think we’re past that territory at this point.”

Ben laughs, the sound rich against her ears and skin. She barely catches him closing the distance between them until a pair of plush and soft lips take her own . Her hands moved up from his shoulders to cradle his face while her lips work against his. He swallows the subtle moan that escapes her mouth within the kiss, and slants his mouth against hers, their lips fitting together perfectly. Emboldened, she runs her tongue against his lower lips, and he opens his mouth in response, his tongue slipping out to tangle with hers and deepen the kiss.

He resumes the gentle rocking motion of their hips, and excitement fills her at feeling the growing hardness of him rubbing against her clit.

A tingle runs up and down her spine, like a phantom touch. Liquid lust pooling between her legs and soaking her sheer lace panties. She pulls away from the kiss, watching his flushed face stare into hers. A particularly hard thrust draws a moan from her and a groan from him. He repeats it again, drawing the same sounds over and over.

She’s wrecked, her hands sliding up to feel his luxurious hair while her head falls to the crook between his neck and his shoulders. Her breaths are heavy, her body a live wire where every point of contact between them is vibrating. She couldn’t have imagined, never _dreamed_ , it could feel like this. And she’s dreamed, she’s dreamt of this for quite some time.

They hadn’t even shed a piece of clothing yet but she’s already getting close to the precipice.

She feels a sharp tug against her scalp. His hand has grabbed a fistful of her hair and is guiding her to pull away from where she had buried her face. “Look at me,” he commands, and _fuck_ , that’s the hottest thing she’s heard. “I want to see you come undone, just like this.”

“Ben.” Rey sighs, wanting to get his attention, wanting _more_. He grunts, the only acknowledgement that he heard her. His rhythm never falters, and the way he rubs against her feels so good, so overwhelming that she’s almost sure that the actual sex will _ruin_ her. “Ben,” she starts again, working her one remaining brain cell she has into overdrive to be able to process out her words, “Ben, I need— _ah_!—I, oh god, I need m-more.”

Ben continues to stare at her, his hand letting go of her hair to settle back on her hips. He’s bucking into her now, his eyes closing for a moment while his nostrils flare to take in a big breath. When he opens his eyes, his gaze pins her into a trance, unable to look away.

He keeps looking straight at her while his fingers start trailing upwards, light touches against her skin that leave goosebumps in their wake. His fingers reach her shoulders and hook themselves to the thin spaghetti straps of her dress. It was a cheap off the rack dress, no more than twenty dollars, but the way Ben looked at her made her feel like it was a high-end runway gown; like _she_ was the most beautiful person in the world.

Slowly, she feels the straps being pulled over her shoulders, sliding down over her arms and the body of her dress being pulled down with it. Her breasts pop out of her dress, the tips of her nipples already hard and sensitive. His stare is intense, his hands both coming up to cup her, “Fuck, your tits are amazing.” he says, the rough pads of his fingers rubbing back and forth over her nipples before rolling them between his fingers.

Her back arches, practically pushing her chest out into his hands and he takes advantage of the angle, capturing her right nipple with his mouth, tongue and lips caressing it while his hand continues to work on the left one. He switches over, ensuring that both of her tits receive equal attention while Rey continues to grind against him. Her fingers find the front lapels of his suit jacket and she parts them, pulling at his sleeves in silent request. He answers immediately, quickly shucking the article of clothing off to who knows where, and resumes his attention on her chest.

His mouth is exploring every inch of her skin, planting wet, sloppy kisses in the valley between her breasts, her collarbone, her shoulders, and coming up to suck a mark onto her neck. Her hands are busy pulling his white dress shirt out from where it’s tucked in his pants, then working at each button from top to bottom.

She curses when her fingers fumble at the last button, and it seems that he understands her frustration, growling while he pulls the shirt apart, the sound of the button popping loud in the room as he rids himself of the shirt and tosses it aside. Rey is only able to marvel at him for a second before he latches on to her neck again. She’s rolling her hips against his while her hands roam down his back, her fingernails creating red streaks in their path that has him groaning in response.

One of his hands trails down between them, his thumb landing right on her clit. She moans wantonly when his finger presses into the lacy fabric, right onto her sensitive bud, going from side to side.

 _I want to see you come undone, just like this_.

His words echo in her head while his gaze keeps her pinned. His fingers are strumming at her expertly, drawing shudders from her while his hips never falter in rhythm.

“Come for me, Rey.” he says, increasing the pressure on her clit. She gasps, feeling the pressure crest over her, riding out the waves of her orgasm while her cunt clenches rhythmically around nothing. His thumb slows to a stop, middle finger dipping down to circle and lightly prod her entrance before he pulls it back up. She can see it glistening from her cum, and her eyes widen when he brings that finger straight into his mouth, sucking it clean.

He humming in approval and _fuck_ —that was the hottest thing she’s ever seen. But Rey is voracious, because what they just did isn’t enough. Even though she just came, she wanted to feel him, she wanted _him_ to come undone just like she has.

Before he realizes it, her hands have undone his button and zipper of his dress pants, her hand already sliding underneath it and his underwear to cup his hard length. He hisses when her hand wraps itself around him, giving it an experimental stroke. The space is limited, but she makes due as best she can, pumping him slowly from base to tip, making sure to twist her hand slightly at the head. This time, he’s the one curled over her, his forehead resting on her shoulders, his breaths short, harsh puffs against her skin.

His cock is throbbing against her fingers, and she does her best to adjust her speed and grip to whatever draws out the loudest moans. Her skin is heated, beads of sweat rolling down her forehead. Beads of precum have leaked out from his slit, her fingers smearing it down his cock the more she works him. She’s vibrating from all the accumulated affection and lust being released little by little, and she’s sure that after this she _will_ be wrecked for life.

“Shit, Rey, wait,” Ben pants out, “I don’t want to come in my pants like a teenager.” He lifts his head at the same time that she feels his hand wrap around her wrist, halting her movements, “I want to come while I fuck you.”

“Shit.” Rey moans, while Ben takes advantage of her speaking to give her another heated kiss. She lets out a squeal when he stands, lifting her body with him easily and her legs instinctively wrap themselves around his hips for balance. Ben walks them through the apartment while she takes advantage of his momentary distraction with navigating to her bedroom, peppering kissing along the smattering of moles across his face.

He stumbles briefly, affected by her attentions, but regains balance and finally walks into her bedroom, coming to stop right at the foot of the bed and quickly lowering her down. He looks like a predator, crawling onto the bed while she drags herself further upwards towards the headboard. Eventually she has nowhere to go though and instead makes herself comfortable; laying down on her pillows while he closes the remaining distance.

His legs are in between hers, his hands bracing themselves on the mattress at either side of her head. He leans down to kiss her, this time soft and hesitant, while one of his hands travels downwards to cup her core. “Fuck, you’re soaked,” he breathes out.

 _Yes, for you_ , she wants to say, but can’t seem to manage past small whimpers and moans. Clearly, she used up the last of her brain cells earlier, and she isn’t capable of any thought further than _yes_ , _yes, please more_.

Her dress is bunched up around her stomach, while his pants are pooled around his ankles. He somehow managed to keep his shoes on, and the inelegance and rush of this whole situation just feeds into her. He leans back on his knees enough to push down his boxer briefs and Rey marvels at the sight of his cock, long, hard, and red at the tip.

Her fingers brush against his cock again and he shudders, pulling away enough to stand and take off his remaining clothing. He then hooks his fingers to the sides of her panties, pulling them over her hips and down her legs; finally ridding them of the final barrier between them.

He crawls back over her body, settling himself between her thighs and shifts just enough for his heavy cock to slot right between the slit of her pussy. Ben thrusts lazily against her, the friction against her already sensitive clit causing Rey to close her eyes and arch her back while she wraps her arms around his neck to pull him closer.

“Rey, wait,” he pants, “Fuck, I need a condom.” 

“T-top drawer, on the nightstand,” she replies. When he stops moving, she chances a peek to see him arch a brow in silent question. “I might have already prepared in advance.” she admits sheepishly.

“Minx,” he smirks, reaching over to her nightstand to open the top drawer and pull out a square foil. There’s rustling noise while he rips open the package before rolling the latex condom over his cock and bracing himself above her again.

She feels his cock rest right upon her entrance while she continues to stare up at him. His hair is hanging over his forehead and she reaches up to push the strands behind his eyes. His eyes are intense, the deep hazel nearly swallowed in black lust. He holds her gaze, and she feels him beginning to push into her, her cunt opening to take him in.

“Oh my god,” she moans at the same time that he curses under his breath. He’s moving slowly, allowing her room to adjust but it’s overwhelming, just at the point of _too much_ because he’s big, bigger than any other guys she’s been with.

“Fuck,” Ben hisses, “ _Fuck_.” repeats pushing in another inch.

She feels every bit of him, every vein and every ridge, as he continues to push in. She’s not sure how long it goes for but eventually his hips are pressed against hers, letting her know that he bottomed out. She cranes her neck to look down between them, and her pussy clenches at the sight, or it would if not for the fact that there’s literally no room left.

She’s full of just him.

He begins to pull out, at the same agonizingly slow pace, and Rey wants to whine at him to move faster, to move harder; but a part of her knows that she needs to adjust more. Rey also thinks that it’s likely that he’s trying to prolong this as much as possible.

“Fucking hell, Rey, you’re so _tight_ ,” he huffs out between breaths, and Rey feels a strange elation at hearing those words. At knowing that this is wrecking him as it is her.

He’s doing shallow thrusts, in and out, in and out, which was fine for the beginning, but now that Rey has had time to recover from her last bone melting orgasm she feels heat licking at her spine again. She wants more.

Her hands clutch at his ass and squeeze, rocking him into her harder, both groaning at the movement. “Ben, please.” she begs.

He shakes above her, “Please what, Rey?” he rasps out, and she feels herself clench at hearing the husky tone of his voice.

“God, please, I need more.”

Ben chuckles, “I’m flattered, sweetheart.”

It took two seconds to realize what he meant, and she smacked his shoulder playfully in response, “You ass.” she says, before her fingers grab hold of the strands of luscious hair at the nape of his neck and pulls him down to whisper against his ear, “Now, fuck me, Ben. Let’s make up for three years.”

He exhales a long breath, the air brushing against the side of her neck before he pulls out and then slams back in, hard.

Oh. _Oh_.

Ben’s moving in earnest now, skin slapping against skin loud in the room, accompanied by breathy moans and grunts from them both. 

“Next time I’ll use my mouth,” he says, tone low and sinful against her neck, dripping over her like honey. He’s marking her skin with kisses and nips while her head lolls to the side to allow him more access, “Fuck,” he thrusts hard enough to knock her a few inches up on the bed, forcing Rey to bring her hands up to brace against the headboard so she doesn’t slam her head against it. “I’ll taste every inch of you. I’ll make you come on my tongue once, and then on my fingers, before I fuck you again with my cock.”

His words carry a promise, and she eagerly mewls her approval of it, shifting her hips up as he thrusts in, meeting him thrust for thrust as much as she’s able to.

Her eyes close, and her sense of feeling seems to go into hyper drive then. The way his hair tickles at her neck, his lips now at her jawline, his fingers gripping at her hips with bruising intensity; and his cock moving in and out, in and out, over and over again. The intensity of this, of _him_ , probably should scare her. She’s never done something like this before, just used to brief flings and one-night stands. But his words only serve to spur her on and feed into the arousal that builds inside of her.

“Such a tight little cunt.” he murmurs, though to himself or for her to hear she doesn’t know, “Fucking dream.”

She agrees, because it does feel like a dream. His cock brushes against the bundle of nerves within her and she gasps out in surprise. He freezes then for a second, recognizing what just happened and shifts himself minutely before resuming his unrelenting pace, his cock now continuously brushing against the same wall of nerves.

Rey can’t help the string of babbles and moans that leaves her mouth then.

“I need you to come,” he says, “Fuck, touch yourself Rey, I want you to fucking come all over my cock.”

Rey thinks she nods, she isn’t sure if she’s even capable of that anymore. Her right hand moves downwards, her fingers brushing against the sides of his cock as it pulls outwards and she shivers at the feeling of it. Finally, the digits reach her clit and she rubs circles around the swollen nub, determined to follow his command.

He lifts his head then, “Feel that, Rey?”

She does, she _does_ feel it, his thrusts are meeting resistance, her pussy clenching around him the closer she gets to her second orgasm. But even so, he doesn’t stop, doesn’t slow down on his punishing pace. He continues to mumble filthy things, about how tight she is, about how wet her cunt is, about how fucking _good_ she feels, how she feels like a dream, how she’s _made_ for him. His words are so far removed from what she’s seen of him before, yet it still does it for her. Her fingers have sped up on her clit, while her other arm is still braced against the headboard. His grunts reach her ears, while his body shakes above her.

“Look at me, Rey,” he grits out, “I want to see you when you come.”

It’s a similar command as earlier, and just like before she’s compelled to obey. Her eyes open to see his own, completely swallowed in black now, just as his cock delivers another pleasurable thrust into her cunt.

“Oh god,” she moans, her fingers faltering slightly at the feeling of her impending orgasm.

“Come, Rey. Come for me.”

She isn’t sure if it’s her fingers, his cock, or his words that does it for her—maybe it’s a combination of the three. But she’s gasping as her orgasm washes over her with the force of a tsunami. Her cheeks are wet with the tears she’s shed at the intensity of it, feeling her cunt clench rhythmically around his still thrusting dick; apparently stuck between sucking him in and pushing him out.

“Fuck,” he groans, still continuing the movement of his hips, drawing out her orgasm to the point where Rey’s shaking from the overstimulation. Her whole body is tingling in bliss, her breaths coming out in harsh pants. He swoops down to capture her lips in a heated kiss, his thick cock delving into her steadily. He gives one, two, three more hard thrusts before he shudders against her, his cock throbbing heavily as he empties himself into the condom. His hips are shifting, short stroking into her and drawing his own orgasm out more, determined to have his dick milked out of every last bit of cum.

Ben eventually stops, heaving harsh breaths against her skin. He maneuvers them both so that they are on their sides facing each other, his cock still buried inside of her pussy. It takes a while for their breaths to return to some semblance of normal, and by then they’re just looking at each other in comfortable silence.

His hand comes up to push some stray strands of hair behind her ear, “I’m sorry.” he mumbles.

Her heart falters then, fear creeping up on instinct, “Sorry?”

“I was,” he worries his lower lip, “Rougher than I wanted to be.”

She stares at him incredulously, “ _That’s_ what you’re apologizing for? Mind numbingly good sex?”

He leans towards her to give her chaste kiss, mumbling _brat_ against them before pulling away. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

The sincerity in his voice brings a warmth to her cheeks, and she finds herself nodding despite her earlier teasing, “I am,” she replies before admitting in a softer tone, “I actually thought it was pretty hot.”

“Fuck,” his curses, rolling his hips against her, “I can’t believe this is real. I can’t believe _you’re_ real.”

She nods, understanding where he’s coming from. The connection that they have is far deeper than she could’ve ever anticipated. Maybe it’s always been there and she just hadn’t realized it, or hadn’t wanted to acknowledge it for fear of losing the friendship they did have. But it’s awake now, and she doesn’t want to let this chance slip by.

“Ben,” she sighs happily, snuggling closer to him, both moaning when the movement causes his cock to slip out. He takes advantage of that moment to roll over to sit at the side of the bed, pulling the condom out and tying it off to discard it. While Rey quickly slips away to use the bathroom before coming back to lay down and snuggle against him.

His arm wraps around her, fingers idly tracing random patterns on her back which causes her to hum in content. “What now?” she asks softly.

“Now,” he drawls, “We shower, take a nap, go out to eat, then we do this all over again.”

The blush on her face is ridiculous, considering what they just did, but it’s there anyway, “Ben!” she squeals out.

He laughs, the sound rich and beautiful, causing her to giggle in return. “What? I’m being honest. Now that I have you, I don’t want to let go.”

“You don’t?” she asks, a bit embarrassed about the vulnerability in her voice.

He pulls away enough to stare at her steadily, “Rey, I’ve waited for three years. Since the first day, when you bumped into me in that conference, you had me. I’m not going anywhere, unless you want me to.”

She shakes her head no, and burrows herself deeper into him, her face turned to the side and ear pressed against his chest, hearing the steady beating of his heart.

The arm that isn’t around her comes up to cradle her head into his chest, his own head now on top of hers, “That dedication was the best decision I’ve ever made in my life.”

She nods against him, smiling softly although he can’t see it. She can’t even imagine an alternative where she didn’t read that dissertation and see his words. Now that he was here, now that she freely acknowledged that she wanted him beyond the scope of friends, she was going to continue down this path wherever it leads; though a big part of her is certain that they’ll continue going strong.

He was her rock, her anchor. He was her motivation, her annoyance. He challenges her, pushes her. He cares for her, _adores_ her. Maybe it’s too soon to verbalize that this is love, but she no longer has doubts that their feelings run that deep. 

“What are you thinking?” he mumbles a bit sleepily.

“About the dissertation I would write if I decide to do my doctorate.”

“Hmm, what about it?”

“Just wondering what I would write in the acknowledgement section.”

“Oh yeah?” she hears him ask, “Any particular names in mind?”

Her smile widens then, and she pushes him to lie on his back while she straddles his hips, leaning down towards him so that their lips are only a scant breath away, “I can think of a few.”

He chuckles, quickly closing the distance between their lips while his hands roam over her back, landing on her ass.

And as her hands begin to explore again, his own reaching over to grab another condom from the nightstand, she thinks that there really only one name that should be front and center in her acknowledgement.

 _I dedicate this to…_

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhhhhhhh, this is probably the longest one-shot I've every typed.
> 
> Scratch that, it definitely is ><
> 
> Please leave love in the form of kudos and comments. It feeds the muse <3
> 
> Also, please don't forget to leave some love for the lovely [reylotrash711](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reylotrash711) please click the link for their AO3 and [here for their Twitter](https://twitter.com/reylotrash711)
> 
> Thank you all! Now I sleep :D


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